Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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