You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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