Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
