I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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