At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
