The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
