In the future we'll all be gay
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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