so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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