Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
