Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
