a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
