And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
