I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
