Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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