My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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