i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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