umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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