she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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