therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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