I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize