i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
