this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
