My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
