i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
