i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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