The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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