This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
