Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
