god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
