Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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