well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize