I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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