does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
