My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The air was thick with penises
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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