yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
