we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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