i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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