I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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