I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize