Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
This is the high leading the old right now
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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