you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
