And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
someone owes me an orgasm
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
