You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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