wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
