i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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