:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
