Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
