yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
