I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
