I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Still dying that you shit outside
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
