A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
