i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
