I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
