Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
