i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
