I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
