She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
