Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
