Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
