I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
