I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
