you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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