Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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