you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
