listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
