after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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