Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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