She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
