Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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