It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
