I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
