There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
