Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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