On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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