The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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