we have pet lesbian snakes
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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