So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
