I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
