Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
