Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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