I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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